I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
