so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
