she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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