Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The Olympian is in my bed
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
