well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
