# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
