Betty ford says i'm here all night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
