Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
