I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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