Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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