she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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