I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
