She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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