I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
