i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize