Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
