Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
