you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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