what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
