Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
