I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
