you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
