If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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