Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
