So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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