What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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