where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
