just come out here and I will go home with you...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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