Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
