her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
