I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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