I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
