Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
