i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
