Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
