It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
