um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
