Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
