Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
