I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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