told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
