it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
