I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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