I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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