everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
