I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
