He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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