I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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