life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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