I bet he comes in French.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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