Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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