Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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