I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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