dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
