for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize