Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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