My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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