your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
