So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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