I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
