end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Randomize
