he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
