bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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