So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
