So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
