thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
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sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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