I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
