I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
