I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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