did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
