I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
