As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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