so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
