There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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