was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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