he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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